Now after ten minutes of deleting that file, I'm back writing again, and the reason behind is something I will mention later in this post.

 So this is what I was writing about before I deleted the file, while I was attending a workshop two weeks ago, and during the break we used to take every two hours I happened to talk to a Jordanian professor in one of our famous Jordanian universities, we talked about the workshop when he told me that he is always busy, and that he doesn’t have time to do many things in his life, at that moment I thought that was not his problem only, and that almost everyone has the same problem, we are all in a hurry, and we all have less time than what we need.

I wanted to tell him something when I stopped because I felt it’s a little bit personal and I still don't know him well to reveal something personal to someone I don’t know, but I couldn't hold myself especially that I was convinced that it didn't hurt if anyone knows about it, as I'm convinced of what I do.

So I told him that I'm a happy person, "what? Are you?" he asked, implying what I was telling him has nothing to do with what he was trying to tell me about, in other words being busy has nothing to do with being happy, because they don't have any relation, from outside they are both different.

I asked him "do you have at least one hour for yourself to be able to contemplate or meditate or enjoy life?" he was silent, and I sounded weird, and a silly smile appeared on his face, I told him that I began waking up early in the morning at 5 every day, "but why do you do that?" he asked, I told him that I pray, then I shave, after that I prepare a breakfast, I told him that I take care of every detail, I listen to the boiling water to make tea, I watch the fire of the oven, I feel the hot loaf of bread I heat, then I sit down to eat my breakfast, and enjoy the sun rising, and the singing of birds, "birds?" he mockingly asked, with the same silly smile on his face, "yes, birds" I naively answered, "why, where do you live?" he asked again, I told him I live in Amman, he laughed, he wanted to tell me that there are no birds in Amman.

 I stopped there, because I realized how silly he was, I wanted to tell him that even if he lives in a jungle full of different kinds of birds he wouldn't listen to them, I wanted to tell him that we can even enjoy the singing of the domestic sparrow which has neither colored feather nor beautiful singing, if we want to enjoy it, I wanted to tell him that I'm happy in preparing my simple breakfast, because I wanted to enjoy it, when I stopped making that mechanically, I wanted to tell him that I was stupid like him before I realized that I have to enjoy blessings God blessed me with.

 We have to slow down and enjoy the details, we have to live the moment sometimes, we have to resist running hurriedly in all our lives, I tried it and it works.

Ok, now I will tell you why I came back to rewrite this post when I decided I wasn't in the mood, I wanted to check my email, when I saw a comment from someone I met in JP's last meet-up, I never talked to her before, we talked about many things, she was very nice and encouraged me to write about my thoughts, and because I'm used to people forgetting about things, I thought that was the end, but I got surprised today with her comment that she dropped by to make sure I'm ok, and to encourage me to continue posting, that made my day, so I decided to rewrite the post I deleted before, thank you kinzi, I think you are one of the beautiful birds we have in Jordan.

Sitting there in the shadows, trembling hands, shaking voice, she was remembering when he was her best friend, couldn’t believe what they told her, they were brought up together, she was the moon, he was the sun, they played together bayt byoot or 3aroos o 3arees (a game where little kids imitate being a bride and a groom then as married couples), out there on the mountains of Jabal Al 7adeed (suburbs of Amman) that was exactly in the early 1980s, he wanted to give her all little wild flowers, but still he doesn’t remember its names, hand in hand they walked, in front of their family eyes, their parents thought they were still kids.

Her favorite flower was Hannoun or shaka'ek al-No'man (Anemones), he always told her he sees them on her cheeks, she blushed to make a bloody red Hannoun, they used both to build there house on the mountain using stones, lines of stones to form rooms, kitchen, and bath room, they built it differently every time they played their favorite game, once he was sitting in one of those imaginable rooms, built from lines of stones, no ceiling at all, they could see the blue sky, he was holding her hand, told her, and here we can play with our children, Mais  will be our daughter, and Qais will be our son, she laughed, and nodded, she looked in his eyes, there was something magical, she liked his talking.

Hannoun only lives during spring, it always declared the beginning of happiness to both of them, they were always seen together, and they grew together, but when they grew up, they weren’t allowed to play together, her mother told her to be careful, and his father told him that he was grown up and should stop playing like kids, but he wanted to play with her, parents never knew what love meant to both of them, so they was looking at each other while they were going to school, every day at 7:00 am, she was always there before him, waiting for him, they walked together to school, their parents never knew, they were like in a dream, a beautiful one, and they didn’t want to wake up from it.

One day, after he arrived home, his father was waiting for him to tell him that they were to go abroad, his father go a job in one of the oil gulf states, with a excellent salary, he told his father to stop, his father told him that he should be happy, because he would go to a better school, and make new friends, he was thinking of her.

He talked to her, and told her that he couldn’t do anything, and she should wait for him, and that he would come back and would ask for her hand when he grows up, she believed him, and they promised each other they would love each other for ever, and they were in tears, farewell was very hard, there was no Hannoun.

Yesterday, she knew that he was to get married, and she was invited to his wedding party, she sobbed, her tears never stopped, she went to see Hannoun, she hugged them, and remembered the promise, she wanted to kill herself, but before she did, she saw a bending weak Hannoun flower trying to stand up from under on big rock, she smiled, then she walked away.

He will never fly, I’m sure he won’t be able to spread his wings and achieve his dream, he tries to break the rules of nature, everyone I meet say that, but still he is not convinced he won’t be able to make it, I tell him that he can’t fly, but he’s nuts.

Hope he will give up his dream to fly, as it’s very dangerous, and can cost him his life, all around tell him admit now that you can’t fly to save yourself the embarrassment later, he as I know him is determined, but here determination won’t make him any good.

Stop it now, before you regret it, please I told him as a friend-to-friend advice, but he kept his head up, looking there to the sky.

His name is Jonathan Livingston, the first time he was introduced to me was 7 years ago by a colleague, who knew him many years ago, can you help me convince him stop trying, please convince him for me, he is still young, but first I have to introduce him to you, Jonathan Livingston is like every and each one of us, to know him more please read this, you won’t regret it.

For those who don’t like reading, you will regret not reading his story, I was advised to read the story to the end, and when I finished reading it, there was a feeling I will never find again, because it is like seeing Petra for the first time, after you finish the Siq (The entrance of Petra).

People all around the world seek freedom; some of them struggle for their freedom, others accept being slaves but still they dream of the day to be free, but I believe that freedom is not granted, they say that the only moment that humans are free is when they are born, the moment they get out of the womb, when they cry their first, and breath air for the first time out of that place, may be the womb the prison, to discover later that the womb is better than being out.

Today, I like to talk about slavery and freedom, but it’s not freedom that all people talk about, I’m talking about another kind of freedom, I came up to this concept of freedom when I was 15 years-old, reading a book titled Al-fawa2id (The Benefits*) for one of the most famous Islamic scholars Ibn Qayyem Al-Jawziyyah.

He introduced me to the world of the human being; he was talking about our habits, and how we can be slaves to them, according to him, there are two governments* (symbolic meaning) inside each one of us, the first is Al-Nafs Al-soo2 (the bad desires in us, or may be bad spirit*), and the second is Al-3aql* (the mind), if you let one of them takes the control the other will be slave for the other, so if the mind wins you live happy, and if mind loses it become the slave.

When we lose control to our desires, or when we can’t change habits (at least bad ones), we become slaves, I can give you many examples, we hear people say “I can’t begin my day without coffee!”, “I can’t live without smoking!” who says that?!! It’s only in there minds, who said they can’t live without that thing they used to drink or eat? It is because they are slaves; they don’t have a true freedom.

When the mind takes over, it can manage its government, of course the mind should have some wisdom, since that time I decided always to check if I’m a slave of my habits, desires, or what I think I can’t live without, whether its food, etc.

Look inside you, and check deeply if you are slave of your own habits, say no, challenge yourself, before you discover one day that you lived all your life as a slave, sometimes your mind will lose, but again you should try to help your mind regain its control, freedom is so precious, and will never be granted without your effort, you can’t have other freedoms if you are a slave of your own desires, or habits.

* The terms were translated by the author of his article, if you see there are better translations; please add them to the comments.